Time will tell

By Voice of Lara

I listened to my father's repetitive fuse about the shortcomings of monogamy, which he blamed on civilization and colonisation but then, I was too young, too naive to comprehend. I had listened to how he faulted colonisation for the reason of monogamy and explained how his progenitors were doing so well in polygamous matrimony until the white man came and introduced them to the deceit called one man one wife.

Other conventional men in his group also believed in the polygamous nature of men, thinking that irrespective of the continent that bred the masculine figure, (whether you are American, African, Australian, Asian or European) the polygamous monster in you could be tamed but only by the law of your country of habitation.

They thought the reason for the immense infidelity in our westernised society was because the society tried too hard to tame the men who were originally fashioned to be polygamous. They also thought the western society influenced our traditional background so bad so that it created room for lies, deceit and infidelity, all of which tremendously characterised monogamy.

I am not oblivious of the escapades of men who kept three or more different women whom they had romantic relationships with in different regions. These men would rather live a secret polygamous life for societal expectation as they found themselves now torn in between two worlds.

My father had boasted at intervals of how his grandfather and great-grandfather both of whom he thought to model after married as many wives as they desired and then lived happily ever after; the kind of lifestyle that he thought was devoid of the negative characteristics of monogamy. For instance, a man didn't have to be a king or a ruler of a town or community before he decided to take a second, third or even a tenth wife, as long as his big farm was yielding enough to feed his family or his business thrived sufficiently to meet his large family's needs. The gesture was then welcome with joy even from the existing wife or wives. Sigh!

In modern times, through several marriages claim to be strictly monogamous, infidelity, secrecy and falsehood have become their cohabiting nature. Many men have no regards for the sacred vows they made on their wedding day as they simply attributed that to 'formality', 'norm', or even spur of that moment. Despite their warning gut instinct, some single ladies would still break a bone to tag along with that man or get compellingly 'hooked' lest they end up like one of the bad examples in their family house who couldn't get a man to propose to her until the marriage age eluded her.

As the world evolves, polygamy in African society is still viewed by the majority with the lens of cultural backwardness, self indiscipline and lack of novelty. Even though the primary polygamous lifestyle is fast replacing it. Keeping alliances with girlfriends, concubines, baby mamas, the other women, side chicks, side boos, sugar mummies are all the trend of the day for legally married men.

Many concerned people have asked rhetorically when African men would channel their energy into the development of science and technology rather than into the acquisition of women, yet it was no wake up call for some of them.

A number of people still indefensibly attribute their justification to our primitive culture and tradition, but in all, time will tell if the bane of some of these outdated traditions are actually setting us back or bailing us out of unnecessary incarceration. Time will tell if this generation is one that will learn from past mistakes of forebears or continue in a line that tries to justify their deeds for their selfish gains. Time will indeed tell. Read more...