“A reporter asked the couple, “How did you manage to stay together for 65
years?” The woman replied, “We were born in a time when if something was broken
we would fix it, not throw it away.”
1. Treat them the way
you did at the start if you don’t want to see it end.
When you first start dating someone you are trying really hard to impress
them and win them over. If you treat them the same way throughout the whole
relationship, it won’t fade out or get boring.
2. Don’t take them for
granted.
When someone becomes a part of your routine it’s easy to forget what it
was like before they came into the picture. You get comfortable. You get used
to things. When you get too used to having someone you stop appreciating what
you have.
3. Do learn to
compromise when needs be.
Learn to just say yes without anything following it. You’ll avoid silly
fights.
4. Don’t allow jealousy
or insecurities to overcome you.
Yes, people are going to hit on them, exes might return and blow up their
phone. You aren’t the only one who finds them attractive. But when jealousy
arises what you are really telling your partner is I’m not confident enough in
myself to keep you.
5. Do learn to pick
your battles wisely.
There are going to be some things worth fighting for. The things you
really care about and believe in but the smartest people know when to fight and
know when to just agree to something even when they don’t.
6. Don’t ever stop
surprising them.
Never stop trying to keep things exciting and keep that flame lit. It all
comes down to the little
things you do for someone.
7. Do have realistic
expectations of them.
Think about the things you ask them? Is it realistic or some fantasy you
have about what you want the relationship to be. Reverse the roles and think if
they were demanding as much from me could I handle it or could I do that? More
than that, are you already doing that?
8. Don’t let feelings
and emotions build up.
When you let negative feelings build up what happens is it’ll all come
out at once at the completely wrong time. Take heavy and negative emotions as
they come and deal with them right then and there.
9. Do allow yourself to
be vulnerable.
The only way to emotionally
connect with someone fully is to let them into every part of who you
are. The healthiest relationships are with people who understand vulnerability
is not a weakness.
10. Don’t put it all on
them if you’re unhappy with something they’re doing.
If they aren’t doing something you’d like them to, ask yourself am I
doing what I need to on my end to push them to want to do that. If you want
them to be more spontaneous are you adding security to the relationship that
they can. If you want them to be put a little more effort into the physical
aspects of your relationships are you building their confidence up and making
them feel like the most attractive person that they can confidently do
something different. It’s never just one person that’s to blame for parts of
relationships that aren’t where you might want them to be.
11. Do give each other
space when you need it.
Let them have their Saturday is for the boys day without checking on
them. Let her go out as late as she wants to on a Friday with her girlfriends.
As much time as you spend together it’s important to have a life apart.
12. Don’t rely on them
for your happiness.
Your happiness has everything to do with you, you can’t put that on them.
13. Do help them to
achieve their goals.
Support them. Encourage them. Push them to get to where THEY want. The
best way to achieve anything is having at least one person know you can.
14. Don’t try and
change them.
Maybe there are things they can improve on that would make you happy. But
don’t try and turn them into someone they aren’t because you are unhappy with
yourself. If you are trying to change them you don’t deserve them.
15. Do help them to
feel secure.
They should be as confident in themselves as they are you and it’s your
job to make them feel safe.
16. Don’t hide things
from them.
Be honest with them even if that honesty might hurt. The truth always has
a way of coming out and when it does, if you tried to hide it, it hurts the
person even more.
17. Don’t put them
down.
Build them up in every way you can. Your relationship together is
supposed to be the healthiest relationship you each have.
18. Don’t let yourself
go just because you have them.
Still, go to the gym. Still, eat healthy. Still, take care of yourself.
Getting them wasn’t the hard part keeping them will be. And you have to take
care of yourself, not for them but because you deserve to be your best
self-standing next to them.
19. Do build
relationships with their family.
It’s important to have relationships with their family. Even the ones you
don’t like. And don’t ever make them choose between you and them.
20. Don’t hold your
past against them.
Someone treating you badly in the past isn’t their fault. Your trust
issues have nothing to do with them. Open up to them about it so they
understand but DO NOT lose your shit on them because you have things in your
past that has left you insecure.
21. Do meet them
halfway.
It’s a 50/50 thing. If you are letting them do more than what you are
willing to give, you don’t deserve them. And if you’re busting your ass to keep
this relationship alive it’s going to fail because the right person will
respect you and meet you right there.
22. When fighting we
wary of the ammo you use.
If they told you something in confidence do not use it in a fight or
you’ll regret it. No matter how angry you might be remember you do care about
this person and that anger will fade but the things you say while angry can
only be forgiven not forgotten.
23. Do build them up.
When it’s the right relationship you’re going to see them become twice
the person they already are simply because of your positive influence.
24. Don’t forget big
dates.
When your anniversary is coming up and she says I don’t care what we do,
she cares what you do and she wants you to surprise her. Anniversaries.
Birthdays. To women it’s big deal even when they say it isn’t.
25. Do pretend to be a
little bit interested in the things they care about.
Even if you hate the thing they care about remember you care about them
so put on your best smile and go along with whatever makes them happy. You
never know, maybe this new thing you’ve never tried you’ll like.
26. Don’t belittle
their dreams.
Everyone else in the world will doubt them enough they don’t need that
from you. What they need from you is to be in their corner and be their
cheerleader even if you’re the only one cheering.
27. Do forgive them and
help them to learn.
No one is perfect. They are going to piss you off and make you angry and
there will be moments you wonder why am I with this person who drives me crazy?
But when they mess up and they come around apologizing. Help them to learn and
move forward from it.
28. Don’t be sneaky and
look for something.
Don’t look through their phone or computer. You are going to find
something you don’t like. Even the best relationships have things you are going
to question if you find it. And you will find it. And it won’t make you happy.
The fundamental building block for every relationship is trust. You have to
trust that even when you are not there, they are respecting you.
29. Do tell them you
love them every day.
Don’t let a day go by without saying those three words.
30. Don’t break their
heart.
When you have something and someone good, don’t go looking for something
better. Learn to appreciate what you have. Learn that the best relationships
are the ones you don’t give up on each other.
We are in a generation where it’s easy to walk away and just give up.
Don’t do that. Be that story that says we made it all the way and that’s
because we never gave up on each other or walked away from the love we
found.
The Article Originally Appeared On Thought Catalog
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