I wish I would really call my best friend next. Nobody else but her. Unfortunately, we had recently fallen out. We weren’t really talking anymore. Our relationship was broken.
It was a pity that during the happiest moment of my life, and then in the coming months, planning the wedding, I was sad that my best friend would not be a part of it.
How I always wanted her to be there during the time for shopping for a dress, to get excited with me about picking out centrepieces, help plan my bridal shower, and just be by my side. Sad! It was not to be.
I'm left with no choice than to do these things with my mum and my fiance. Definitely, I missed my best friend. It's surprising to me why we would arrive at this point in our friendship.
Hence, it's surprising to me why sometimes best relationships get broken for some reason or another. Apparently, on the other hand, you may imagine why would spouses, friends, family members, co-workers, and others that shared intimacy and close relationship could ever fall apart? I guess that's life for you. And of course, we're all human, and there are many things that can drive a wedge between us.
Sometimes it could be a silly disagreement over something small or a big issue that makes you question your trust on the other person or his/her loyalty and the whole foundation of your relationship. Some other times, it’s a million little things that eventually cause you both to drift apart.
However, I was thankful that I and my friend met each other again some years back. The reason we fail apart was not an issue any longer, we became friends again. And it was such a relief not to feel emptiness anymore. Life circumstances almost kept us away from each other, but at last, we met again and now we could talk and laugh again as regular friends.
I'm happy I have her in my life again. I look back at old photos of us and have happy memories I will always cherish. Hence, we are able to make new memories now. If there is anything you have to take away from this article, don’t let past hurts keep you from the people you love.
So as we approach the month of February, Valentine is getting close and is time to reach out to people and show love. Hence, is my hope you can turn things around even if anything has ever come between your relationship with loved ones.
Here are the steps on how to fix a broken relationship:
Write Down Your Thoughts. Organize the thoughts that are tumbling through your mind. Get a pen and paper and just free write. Put down every thought that comes to mind. Such as why is my relationship broken? How did it get to that point? What do I wish would have gone differently?
As you actually see the words, you can start to make sense of them. You may even want to write as if addressing a letter to the other person, but just don’t ever send it. This is for you to feel more settled and calm before you meet together to talk about your relationship.
Reach Out. This may be the hardest step to take. Because being the person to reach out to the other means taking a big risk; the other person may not want to meet you halfway. If this is the case, you could both end up feeling worse. Therefore this is a valid concern. But think of what you’ve missed out on by being apart all this time. Isn’t your relationship worth the risk?
Make up your mind to reach out. What you say will depend on the relationship, but it’s a good idea to invite them to meet up and talk.
My best friend and I saw each other at an event, and we both approached each other. That first contact after so much time apart was nerve-wracking, but once it was over I felt such a sense of relief. It was well worth the risk, I must tell you.
Let Go of any Lingering Anger. If you have a broken relationship because of misunderstanding or wrongdoing by either party, it obviously can fuel some anger. The strong emotion can be a big hindrance to ever rebuilding the relationship again. You have to acknowledge your anger, and then let it go out of your life.
Whether or not the other person is remorseful or and apologises it should not affect anything. Make the choice to let it go, and then do it. This may be difficult to do on your own, so talk to someone you trust. Ask them to help you let go of the anger you are feeling.
Meet on Neutral Ground. Set up a time and place to talk things out with the person with which you have a broken relationship. It’s important that you both feel comfortable, so meet somewhere that is neutral for both of you.
Don’t meet somewhere that brings back memories for both of you. Meet a place where you can talk freely and have the opportunity to work things out if that is in the cards.
Apologise for Past Hurts. How should you start the conversation? By apologising. Ideally, both of you should take some time to talk about past hurts, regrets, and say you are sorry for your part in it and for how things went down.
It’s important for each of you to say these things out loud, and it’s important for the other person to hear them. This allows both of you the chance to finally move forward and repair the damage. Saying you are sorry, especially if a lot of time has passed, can be so difficult.
Just say what is in your heart. Don’t accuse, just apologise.
Accept Their Apology. Realise that the other person may be in a different place emotionally. Also, realise that the way in which they apologise may be different yours.
Either way, if they show remorse in one form or another, accept it out loud to them, and then accept the apology deep down your heart. This is an important step so you can keep moving forward.
Get on the Same Page. What’s next? Well, that is up to both of you. Perhaps you could say, “I’d like us to be friends again,” or “What can we do to put the past behind us?”
This is a good way for you to know what the other person may want. Perhaps they don’t want to repair the relationship. Apparently, if they don’t, then you’ll need to find a way to accept that. Or this could be when you find out that they want to but aren’t quite ready yet.
The important thing is to find out where both of you are coming from and figure out how to meet at the centre. Once you are on the same page, you can repair your relationship or say goodbye with the assurance that you have said your peace.
Set Some Ground Rules. You both are raw and vulnerable, so set up your future together in such a way that you both feel safe. What will your relationship look like moving forward? Will it be like before, or will it be different?
Likely it will be different at least for a while. You’ll be in a sort of getting-to-know-you-again phase that may be a little awkward. But that’s ok. A little awkwardness is normal.
You are both being extra cautious because you don’t want to get hurt again. Try not to over think it. Make allowances and remember why you want this relationship to heal.
Build Trust. You can’t build a house overnight; it has to be built brick by brick. The same is true of a relationship, and especially when you are mending a broken relationship. You are both familiar with each other but are not completely trusting of the other yet.
This is a time where you both can prove to the other that you will be there for each other, they can trust you to care for them in the way that they need, and that past hurts won’t be repeated. This will likely be the longest step of the process, and at times could be frustrating. So try to be patient, loving, hopeful, and let it happen.
Be there for each other in the small and big things, offer a listening ear, and do nice things for them. It will help them know that this time the relationship will be solid.
Seek Counseling. Sometimes past hurts are just too much for two people to handle alone; if that’s true, it may be time to see a counsellor together.
A trained therapist can help discover each person’s true feelings and the reasons behind why the relationship broke in the first place. However, it can help you to let go. These steps will help both of you come together again. All of the time an energy you will invest in it will definitely be worth it.
Best of Luck!
Best of Luck!
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