I’m Dating A Celibate

Being a celibate or dating a celibate in this present 21st century sounds like a big impossible and more like a taboo; whereas it’s a common thing to engage in a s*xual relationship, even at the point of public display of indecency. On TV programmes, internet, social media, and on pages of magazines we’re entertained by and with the act.

Seriously, who dates a celibate? In fact, I should ask who calls herself a celibate when little school girls and boys are s*xually active these days? I should tell you that contrary to what society thinks, being celibate can be empowering. Therefore there are celibate couples that choose to express their love as such.

As I venture to explore the world of dating, I ran into a number of women who are celibate (including the lady I’m presently dating). Perhaps, while I feel that ladies who practice celibacy for the purpose of empowering themselves should be celebrated and appreciated, I won’t deny the fact that, as a man, it can be quite difficult.

No doubt, dating a celibate is challenging. The longer we date, the more we become intimate and bond, and the longer we go without s*x, the stronger the urge becomes. I am understanding and respectful, but I am also a man who loves s*x. Then the question is: can a man love or date a lady without having s*x? I emphatically tell you, he can. Most men may not choose to go that route, perhaps that’s understandable if that’s something they’re not willing to sacrifice. But it does not mean it’s impossible.

So there are ways around it: such that if I get agitated or tense, I would burn it out at the gym. Though the road may be difficult if she is special and truly the one, it is worth the sacrifice. However, you need to understand there will be moments of weakness and frustration, thus there is also need for safe space to express how you feel too.

Apparently, the majority of men never considered being a celibate. Therefore you can say the concept is foreign to some of us. But still, no man wants to be identified as the “all he wants is s*x” guy. The truth still is, we enjoy having s*x, especially when we’re in a relationship with a lady we find beautiful and s*xy.

Then the challenge dating a celibate is that it makes us feel like a kid who can only look and admire a Christmas gift but never opens it. You find it difficult because you want something so eagerly which you know it’s a selfish urge. As a result, you feel terribly bad every time you want to have a discussion about it.

Sometimes you feel like an animal because you’re ashamed of wanting something you’ve enjoyed several times in the past. Thus, you become fearful that she may no longer see you as being understanding or supportive. However, sometimes I find myself wanting to say, “I don’t know if I can continue doing this” or “this is becoming extremely difficult for me,” but I’m hesitant, because if I say those things, she may believe that the physical is the only thing I wanted from her, whereas that’s not the case.

Now, what do I do because I must not allow her to feel any pressure; that’s how much I love her? And I should be open to her about it. Hence, if I’m open about the struggle, does that make me seem inconsiderate? If I keep my feelings about this inside am I truly being honest? No! What should I do them because being s*xually frustrated is tough, especially when you are constantly being reminded of it through the media and social media?

Frankly, some men feel they’re sacrificing an amazing experience, and it’s not always clear if that sacrifice is worth it. Perhaps, it could be that men’s self-discipline isn’t as strong as a lady. Or should you say a lot of men are just used to having s*x, so going on a dry spell is new territory that we’re not entirely sure how to navigate?

Is it that we just want to experience that feeling because you have already aroused us mentally and emotionally? Or is s*x an experience we want and must share with someone we really care for? In consideration of the above questions and issues, it suggests that a lot of men who dates a celibate are not given the benefit of expressing their feelings without being labelled a s*xist or misogynist.

Men assume that your decision to be a celibate is rooted in some kind of effect s*x causes you. Apparently, most women don’t go into detail why they choose to be a celibate. So men draw the conclusion that you were hurt in the last relationship (that involves s*x), or you were treated with less worth. Perhaps, she’s scared to give herself to another person? Maybe there is some enlightenment that comes from celibacy? Then the guy runs through the above possible conclusions to restrain from being physically intimate with her because men focus on the deeper meaning of being a celibate.

Most celibate ladies say they are waiting for the right person; maybe for a long term relationship and possibly marriage. Unfortunately, this is an advantage to so many guys. Hence, some men play the role of being cool with the idea but leave as soon as they get what they’re looking for. Unfortunate right?

There are men who find it difficult to express their emotions just as women do. Hence, they express a lot of feelings through physical actions such as s*x. So there are a lot of men who will try to rush you into s*x. But more so, there are yet some men out there like myself, who will wait until is time (you’re ready), regardless of how frustrating it may be.

It's important you understand that if we voice our frustrations, it’s not supposed to be seen as complaints to make you feel bad for your decision. But ultimately, men as well enjoy spending s*x-free time together. Hence many like me will be patient, will ride the waves, and will be understanding. Just know the urges come and go, and so we need you to be patient and understand when we get a little fed up. Guys, it may be challenging to date a celibate, but when she’s worth it, make it work.

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